A Parent’s Guide to Navigating School Transitions by Katrina Mallon of Destined for Greatness NI.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time working with parents who are worried about their child’s behaviour since starting school. You’ve spent weeks of the summer holidays preparing – buying uniforms, practising putting on shoes, talking about what school would be like – and thought the hard part was behind you. But now, just a few weeks into the term, things still feel tricky.
Instead of celebrating how smoothly everything has gone, you might be facing meltdowns, clinginess, or a child who seems to have a much shorter fuse at home. It can be confusing and even a little disheartening: we prepared so carefully, so why are things still hard?
The truth is that many children show their biggest feelings not at school but once they’re home in their safe space. That doesn’t mean they’re failing to cope, it just means they’re still learning to manage the demands of their new environment. What this looks like can vary depending on your child’s age and stage
Preschool (3–5 years)
For little ones, school may be their first extended separation from family. Tantrums over small frustrations, extra clinginess, or temporary regression in toileting or sleep are common. Your confident “big kid” may suddenly need more reassurance.
Lower Primary (5–8 years)
Early primary introduces structure, longer days, and expectations for independence. Children may come home irritable, quick-tempered, tearful, or argumentative. Complaints about school or a strong need for quiet downtime often signal that they’re processing a full day.
Upper Primary (8–11 years)
Older children juggle academics, friendships, and peer comparisons. They may retreat to their room, display mood swings, have physical complaints like headaches, or experience sibling conflict. Reduced motivation and emotional outbursts often reflect the mental load of school, not misbehaviour.
Why these behaviours happen
School requires children to manage big feelings, follow rules, and maintain focus for long stretches of time – all while navigating social dynamics. That’s a lot of emotional energy to hold in. Once home, in the safety of family, children may let their guard down, resulting in behaviours that feel extreme but are perfectly normal. It’s important to remember that behaviour is communication – your child is not being naughty; they’re communicating overwhelm and the need for support.
How you can support your child at home
• Reframe behaviour. Instead of seeing meltdowns as “bad behaviour,” view them as your child’s way of communicating stress or overwhelm.
• Connection before correction. Start with a warm greeting, a snack (hungry kids struggle to regulate emotions), or a cuddle before asking about homework or chores.
• Create predictable routines. Simple after-school rituals – quiet play, reading, or a favourite activity – help children decompress. • Respect their need for downtime. Some children want to talk about their day; others need silence. Both are okay.
• Name and normalise feelings. Phrases like, “It sounds like today was tough” show empathy and validate emotions.
• Keep expectations realistic. Avoid overloading afternoons with activities during the first few months of the school year.
• Working with a parenting professional can help you understand and support your child, guiding you to navigate these early months with calm, confidence, and a plan that works for your family.
After-school restraint collapse
You may have heard about after-school restraint collapse – that moment when a child, who has held it together all day, suddenly melts down or shuts down at home. Unlike the settling in period, which improves as routines become familiar, restraint collapse can happen anytime during the school year.
Supporting this often means:
• Allowing decompression before tackling tasks
• Offering comfort and patience instead of rushing solutions
• Supporting your child’s regulation with sensory input and tailored activities
• Providing healthy outlets like drawing, running, or listening to music.
It’s important to recognise that restraint collapse is not misbehaviour. It’s the natural result of a child releasing the tension they’ve been managing all day.
When to Seek Extra Support
Most children adjust with time, patience, and gentle routines. But seek professional help if behaviours:
• Persist for months without improvement
• Severely disrupt family life
• Are impacting on your child’s health or emotional well-being
• Include ongoing school refusal, withdrawal, or unsafe aggression
Start by talking to your child’s teacher—they see a different side of your child and can offer helpful insight. From there, your GP or other parenting professionals can guide you towards next steps and provide additional support strategies. Transitions like starting school stretch children in wonderful ways, but they also test their emotional limits.
With empathy, realistic expectations, and a safe place to fall apart, children gradually learn to manage these big shifts. While after-school meltdowns can feel overwhelming, they’re also a sign that your child is learning, growing, and trusting you enough to show their truest feelings at home.
