As parents and carers, we’ve all been there: the Sunday night tummy ache, the sudden clinginess at the school gate, or the repetitive questions about a birthday party that hasn’t even happened yet. We often think of anxiety as an “adult” problem, but for our children, the world can sometimes feel like a very big, unpredictable place.
Understanding anxiety isn’t about “fixing” a child; it’s about becoming their anchor when the sea gets a little choppy.
What Exactly is Anxiety?
At its heart, anxiety is a natural human response. It’s that fluttery feeling before touching a garden worm, or the racing heart before starting a new job. It is our brain’s way of saying, “Hey, pay attention! Something is different here.”
For most children, this is a momentary wave they learn to ride. However, anxiety becomes a bit more “sticky” when it starts to interfere with the simple joys of childhood like sleep, eating, or making friends. While one child might show their worry through tears, another might become irritable or quiet.
For children with sensory or communication differences, anxiety often speaks through “shutdowns,” a need for intense routine, or repetitive movements.
How Does it Show Up?
Every child wears their worry differently. You might notice “nervous excitement” that tips over into overwhelm. For some, a change in routine feels like the floor has been pulled out from under them.
Because children are still developing their “emotional vocabulary,” they can’t always say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed by the noise in the classroom.” Instead, they might refuse to put their shoes on, lose their appetite, or have a meltdown over a seemingly small issue.
These aren’t “naughty” behaviours; they are often SOS signals from a child who has run out of internal coping strategies and needs us to help them find their way back to calm.
Building a Bridge to Calm
The good news? We can help our children build a “tool kit” for these moments. The secret often lies in predictability. When a child knows what is coming next, their nervous system can relax. If you know a change is looming—perhaps a school trip or a visit to the dentist—talk about it early. Use “social stories” or photos to make the abstract feel concrete. If school is the source of the worry, a quick chat with a teacher or assistant can create a joined-up “safety net” helping ensure your child feels secure in both environments.
5 Ways to Support Your Child:
1. The Power of Visual Supports Routine is a child’s best friend. Try using a simple visual schedule at home which can be written, have pictures or simple line drawings, “Wake up → Brush teeth → Breakfast → School.” When a child can see the plan, they don’t have to spend energy worrying about the plan. If a routine needs to change, show them on as early as possible.
2. Practice “Brave Breathing” Don’t wait for a meltdown to teach calming skills. When things are peaceful, practice “Brave Breathing” (belly breathing) or “5-Finger Magic” (tracing their hand while breathing). Using these tools during the “sunshine” moments, will be much easier to find during the “storms.”
3. Move to Regulate Sometimes, children have “big energy” trapped in their bodies. Sensory breaks involving heavy movement, like jumping, stretching, or a quick game of tag can help “reset” the nervous system.
4. Name It to Tame It Validate their feelings without judgment. Try saying, “It looks like you’re feeling a bit wobbly about the party today and that’s okay.” By labelling the emotion, you help them understand it.
5. Make the Unknown “Known” Use “First/Then” language and concrete tools. If you’re going on holiday, look at photos of the hotel or the beach beforehand. Making the future feel “concrete” through pictures and stories reduces the fear of the unknown and helps them build a mental map of their day and can offer opportunities to ask questions.
Supporting an anxious child is a marathon, not a sprint. When a worry feels like a giant mountain, it helps to remember that we don’t have to climb it all at once. Breaking the anxiety down into small, manageable pieces allows a child to tackle one tiny part at a time.
If the thought of a full school day is overwhelming, we might focus just on the walk to the gate. If a busy birthday party feels too much, we might aim just to stay for the first ten minutes. By addressing these small parts over time, your child builds the “bravery muscles” and confidence needed to eventually face their fears, helping our children move from a place of fear to a place of flourish.
Article by Karen Turley: Specially Connected is a community interest company based in Downpatrick which supports families who have children with additional learning needs. It was founded by Downpatrick-born Karen Turley, who has extensive experience in teaching and advisory roles within the special education sector working in Northern Ireland. For more information visit speciallyconnected co.uk or following them on Facebook and Instagram (@speciallyconnected).
